I discovered a fox in my interior Garden. Boy, was he a sly one. When I looked down at him with a frown, asking who he was, he looked me right in the eyes and said,
“Oh, it’s just me, Passion!”
Appeased for the moment I carried on, sowing seeds with King Jesus, and spinning among the rows. Then I started feeling warm.Puzzled, I felt sweat on my brow, and searched for the source. My hands went to my neck. There, like a fur on the throat of a high-class socialite, was the fox.
“What are you doing here?” I interrogated.
Again, the fox looked me in the eyes, pooling together his most pitiful face and said,
“I am here to warm your voice to cry out for more. You never want to settle, do you?”
Unsure, I shook my head and continued to water the garden and dance among its flowers. Suddenly,
“Ouch!” I cried.
I look to my shoulder and see a small bite. Two pricks of blood surfacing. I look at the fox with accusation across my gaze, too shocked to speak.
“It’s your fault. It’s you that’s in the way,” he said, with much more bravado in his voice than I remembered.
“Enough is enough.” This phrase is usually heard in threatening tones that use their sharpness to draw a hefty line in the sand. But when I heard it in the Voice of Abba it was nothing but gentle and kind. It was absent of demand and full of assurance. He was not addressing the fox, but me. “You are enough. Your devotion is enough. What I say is enough, is enough. My blood has called you Enough.” The Voice, like wind, pushed my face to look again at the fox. “Your name is not passion!” I bursted, exposing his mask. “You aren’t zeal. You’re a lie! And your name is Not Enough.” Seeing I knew his true name, he fled. I watched him go and looked to the bite on my shoulder. I turned to the Healer, apologizing that I believed Not Enough. I asked Him to give me more Beloved Identity to see rightly. I asked Him for more faith. I asked Him to show me what I was doing wrong. He didn’t want any of these things. For a fox bite is not in need of repentance, but a healed perspective.
He didn’t answer me outright, as so often is the case. Instead, He spoke to me Song of Songs 6:5, but with a few additions (added in italics):
“Turn your eyes from me: I can’t take it anymore! I can’t resist the passion of these eyes in this very moment–those eyes I adore. I’m overpowered right now, in this moment by a glance, my ravished heart is undone right now, in this moment. Held captive by your love, I am truly overcome. I am captive, overcome, right NOW. For your undying devotion to me (And yes, even in this moment I see it as undying devotion) is the most yielded sacrifice (I see your devotion right in THIS moment as a yielded sacrifice).”
Whoa. Maybe that didn’t hit you like it hit me, but it really struck my heart. I wasn’t having this marvelous encounter with Him. I was just reaching for Him. In fact, it felt like a small, even distracted reach. And He called it “most yielded” and “undying.” We can sometimes let passages like these feel general, like an overall kind of love He has for us. Other times we read them and on a subconscious level receive it as, “Well, He feels more like that when I am super connected to Him, but not as much right now.” We exclude THIS moment. We allow ourselves to play judge on our own devotion, which is always dangerous ground. We subtract the present presence from what He speaks and reveals. It’s almost as if we hold everything at arms length because if it touches our heart it may just expose the lie that we believe we are not enough.
Not Enough can wreak a lot of havoc on our Gardens. And depending on where we are at, He can have multiple disguises. He comes into our devotion under the pseudonyms of Passion or Hunger, but he is neither. To long for more of Yahweh is good and holy, but true zeal comes from a place of overflowing contentment and joy. Not Enough sneaks in to steal your peace, kill your beloved identity, and destroy your hope. If you let him remain long enough you will find a whip in his hand, demanding your flesh to “do more” and “be more.” Those who have systematic religion in their past will recognize the whip well. For others Not Enough may come under more familiar names like, Insecure, Anxious, or Low Self-Esteem. With pixar character sized eyes it looks around for someone to affirm him. It wants a pat from others saying, “There, there. No, really, you ARE beautiful,” “Truly, you’re SO talented. Don’t say you’re not.” But those with a bite like this, will never be deeply satisfied with any amount of praise from man. It may placate them for a moment, but they will be hungry again. Really it’s all just Vanity masquerading as Insecurity. The root? Not Enough. Not Enough, in all and any of his forms, will only keep you egocentric and based on performance. Your side effects will be unsatisfaction, restlessness, and difficulty to stay in the moment.
Thankfully, the Healer doesn’t come to heal the fox bite by addressing every area we feel we are lacking. Instead, He simply shows us He’s here, loving us NOW with a fierce, huge love. He isn’t waiting. He’s not waiting for the church service. He isn’t waiting for you to turn on the instrumental music. He isn’t waiting for the baby to be in bed. He isn’t waiting until you are over that sin or struggle. His presence is overwhelmingly here. He sees us as whole while still in process. He is strong in our weakness. He is obsessed with us. He isn’t demanding we yield our all without first yielding His. It is only this knowing that His love is here now that will allow us to fully become a people awake to the “now.” He gives us our daily bread–and it is always a full feast. “Not Enough” is a phrase that you will never hear from the mouth of Yahweh. Where other gods may demand good deeds, gold, blood, or sacrifice, He demands only our heart. He just wants to be with us–the real us. He looks upon us and sees us smeared in the blood of the Lamb, and says, “Ah, enough is enough.” We, the righteousness of God, are enough…and more than enough.
A prayer: “Abba, may we yield to Your touch. May Your lips meet the fox bites that linger from the lies we have believed. Strike our hearts with the reality that You are here giving us all of You, right now. Help us to yield to you in our ordinary moments. Holy Spirit, fill us with the understanding that we are enough because we were created in the likeness of the One who is Enough. May we never confuse hunger for more with the striving of flesh. Take us from glory to glory and goodness to goodness. I decree that we will be those who know they are known and feel they are seen. In the glorious name of Yeshua, Amen.”